Know Your Gravediggers from Your Pallbearers

“For I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat. I was thirsty, and you gave me something to drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me in.” Matthew 25:35

I am sure that you, like me, enjoy the comforts of having people in your life, with whom you can have at least a modicum of trust. You want to ensure that your family members, your friends, your coworkers, and your colleagues have your back. You most certainly expect more from your family members and your friends, especially if there is a positive relationship. Sadly, some of the people you identify as friends don’t see you the same way you see them, and they don’t reciprocate the same treatment to you, that you show to them.

The year 2020, has brought about so many challenges and seeming insurmountable odds for so many people around the world, but especially in this country. The COVID-19 coronavirus pandemic has taken the lives of over 205,000 people and over six million have tested positive for the virus in America. Small businesses have closed, people have been evicted from their homes, millions are unemployed, millions are experiencing mental health disorders, and millions more are feeling helpless and hopeless. It’s during this time that friends and family are important assets. Notice that I used the word “assets.” And if you fit into any of the aforementioned challenging categories listed above, you are keenly aware of the importance of having people around you who stand by you, stand with you, as well as those who lend a helping hand, are willing to pick you up when you fall, and pull you up when you’re down. These people are true assets.

There is an old saying, ‘a friend in need, is a friend in deed,’ As you experience challenges, you are most certainly more in need of support and assistance from people whom you believe care about you and have your back, including family and friends. I am keenly aware that some of your family members and friends might have the same level of need as you, and some might have an even greater level of need than you. Whatever the need, the question is what can you and your family members and friends do and what are you and your family members and friends willing to do to support and help each other during these challenging and difficult times? Either you all will deny and denounce each other and refuse to provide the help that you are capable of providing, or you all will take a realistic assessment of the needs of each other and assess the levels of assistance you are capable of providing to and for each other. Until outcome meets needs, there will still be challenges and problems.

In order to seriously understand if someone has your back and is willing to be there for you in a time of need, it is imperative that you know how your family members and friends will respond to the question often asked, ‘Am I my brothers’ or my sisters’ keeper? The answer must be an astounding YES! If the answer to the question is no or there is hesitancy in the response, you might want to reconsider your relationship with those family members and those people you consider to be your friends.

True friends, family members, and honest coworkers and colleagues with integrity will be there for you when the chips are down, when the world turns its back on you, when you are in need of comfort, when you have lost your job, when you have lost your way, when you are hungry, when you are sad, when you are grieving, when you are down and out, when you are depressed, as a matter of fact, no matter what is going on, if they are ‘true’ friends, family members, coworkers, and colleagues they will be there for you. These ‘true’ relationships will stand even if you are in quick sand and they will stand the tests of time. It’s during these times that you do not need silent partners, people hiding in shadows, people not returning your phone calls, people not responding to your text messages and emails, people going missing, or people pretending that they don’t know what’s going on. It’s during your times of struggles, times of weariness, and times of need that you need people in your life who will stand for you and with you, people who will not only say something, they will do something!

There are many of you who believe that people’s needs are always financial. However, providing money is not the only way for you to stand by and stand with so-called friends, favorite family members, co-workers or colleagues in need. There are times when a phone call will help, a kind word will make a difference, a friendly greeting card will brighten your day, or a daily or weekly check-in to check up on you will keep your hope alive. Either these people are for you or they are against you. You have to decide if they are assets or liabilities and if they are there to bury you alive or revive you when you need a lifeline.

My wise mother used to say, “Know Your Gravediggers from Your Pallbearers.” Simply put, you have to decide if the people in and around your life will stand for you and with you during times of stress and/or distress, or during any of the aforementioned perils cited above. Will they be willing to pick you up, hold you up, carry you along, or will they run away from you, leave you when you’re down, step on you, hold you down, or keep a knee on your neck, with their feet on your back, with their shoes on, while you are down.

Your gravediggers help to put you in the ground. They go out of their way to not only put you in harms way, they do all they can to keep you in harms way. They will dig the grave for you through lies, avoidance tactics, slander, libel, racism, and conspiracy theories, as they talk about what’s wrong with you, how they believe you fell done, as well as how you contributed to your current down status and struggles. They will place their knees on your neck, their feet on your back, with their shoes on. They will encourage and help others to do the same. Your gravediggers will help to throw dirt on you and bury you while you are under, and feeling down and out. Their intent is to keep you under, down and out, without ever attempting to pick you up and revive you. In all actuality, your gravediggers are out for your very life. They will either take your life themselves or they will help to set others up for your demise. After all, they are gravediggers! You must be very careful! Gravediggers will often present themselves as pallbearers, in order for them to enter into your life and into your space. However, you must watch and pray each and everyday for you to be able to behold their imposter status, causing their “imposter card” to be revoked.

You will find that your gravediggers are out for what you can do for them, and not what they can do for you. They are looking for position, power, prestige, prominence and whatever they can get from you, at any cost, and at your expense. They will hide in shadows and do everything that they can to avoid helping you during your time of need and struggle. Here is an opportunity for you to engage in honest relationship checkups with your close friends, family members, coworkers, and colleagues, to see if they fit in the gravedigger status of your life. If they do, you have a serious decision to make about how you want to relate to these people. As my mother used to say, these are people you might want to ‘feed out of a long-handle spoon.’

On the other hand, your pallbearers are there for you, based on your needs, not on their wants. They will pick you up when you are down, they will pull you up when you can’t get up; they will carry you when you cannot stand or cannot walk. They will do their best to rescue you from harm and to keep you out of harms way. They will talk with you and not about you, and they won’t talk against you. And if they don’t have the means or the resources to meet your needs, they will guide you, lead you, and help you to find the right and proper resources to meet your needs. As a matter of fact, your pallbearers will escort you and stand with you as you maneuver through the maze of trials, tribulations, and struggles. Your pallbearers will have your back and you won’t have to look for them; they will seek you, in order to ascertain your needs. They don’t need a crowd or an audience to stand by you or to pick you up; they will do it if they have to do it alone, with no one to help and no one watching. At the same time, they will stand with you, stand by you, and speak up for you in the presence of those people who consider themselves to be your enemies. They’re not looking for praise or promises; they are genuine.

Your pallbearers will love you when you are up and when you are down, when you have, as well as when you are broke, busted, and disgusted. They will go out of their way to ensure that you are not just okay, but that you are alright, and they don’t leave you until they are assured that you are in a place of stability, mind, body, and spirit.

Sometimes we have difficulty recognizing and accepting those persons in our lives who truly love us, care for us, and have our best interests at heart. Unfortunately, many of you tend to gravitate toward the gravediggers in your life, trying to fit and assimilate with them, while overlooking your pallbearers. Once again, here is an opportunity for you to engage in honest relationship checkups with your close friends, family members, coworkers, and colleagues, to see if they fit in the pallbearer status of your life. If they do, it is time for you to reach out to them and thank them for what they have done for you in the past, for their support of and for you in the present, as well as your appreciation for their support in the future. It’s time for you to thank your pallbearers for just being them. It doesn’t take much to do so. Pick up the phone and just say thank you! You can send a greeting card. Both of these acts of humility, thanks, and appreciation are much more personal than an email or a text.

Give God the praise and the glory for both the gravediggers and the pallbearers in your life. Your gravedigger experiences only make you stronger, wiser, more aware, more cautious, more humble, and more appreciative to God for your pallbearers. They will most certainly keep you on your knees, with your eyes and your hands lifted toward heaven. Your pallbearer experiences are immeasurable. They will keep you appreciative, thankful to God, with your head up, with an open and thankful heart, as well as more caring and appreciative of others.

This day, I challenge you to get to “Know your Gravediggers from Your Pallbearers!” This action should also extend to the 2020 election. We have seen an administration filled with gravediggers. It’s time for you, your true friends, trusted coworkers and colleagues to rid yourselves of the gravediggers in your life, on your job, in the current administration and those in anyway connected to you. Hold onto your known pallbearers and cast your vote for those who will take you through a pallbearer experience and not a gravedigger experience after November 3, 2020. You need assets, not liabilities!