Loving With Boundaries

The month of February is the month of love. However, every month should be a month of love. As a matter of fact, it would be awesome if love was in the air daily! With more than seventy-five mass shootings, hundreds of school shootings, earthquakes, and other national and global tragedies and disasters that have occurred and are occurring, many are crying out for love. Unfortunately, many don’t know how to define love, how to give love, and just as many don’t know how to accept love.

There are many of you who believe that Valentine’s Day will create a fix if you can at least have love for one day. The reality is, because you are, you were endowed with love on the inside from birth. Unfortunately, many of you are so busy looking for love on the outside, in your efforts to fix or fulfill the seeming lack of love on the inside, that you become desperate. When you are desperate for love, it is easy to fall for the wrong person, falter in the choices you make, or you will fail by getting with and giving your love to the wrong person.

For you to be successful with an external love, you must first be successful with your internal love, by loving yourself. You will not be able to be with someone else until you learn how to be with you. It is imperative for you to remember that love can be a noun or a verb. If you have self-love, it is easier for you to show the love you have for yourself. Your active self-love allows others to see how you treat yourself, what you will and will not accept, and that you will only stand for what’s best for you. Your self-love will show that you are not willing to just stand for anything, accepting anybody. You have clear expectations and standards regarding what you are looking for, what you expect, and what you will accept in a potential partner. When you have self-love, you are not desperate to be with somebody, allowing yourself to get with anybody, who turns out to be nobody.

Self-love, the noun, allows love for self. The action verb of love emanates from you to the world. That love will show in your walk, in your talk, in your dress, and the fact that you will not settle for mess. You won’t fall for the first person who comes along, and you won’t keep wasting your time and your life, searching for love in all the wrong places, with all the wrong people. With your self-love, you will also not wait until February to try to fill the loneliness you feel, because you recognize that although you might feel lonely, you are never alone. You recognize that God is with you first and always, and you are with you forever and a lifetime.

If you are looking on the outside to fill that seeming void you feel on the inside, you will be searching for quite some time. Your efforts to be with someone else and love someone else must come from within your love for yourself. It cannot be predicated on if, and when someone else loves you. You should expect love in return if you give love, but you must not let whether love is reciprocated to you or not, serve as a condition for you to love others. However, you must be careful, cautious, and have boundaries as to whom you decide to let into your heart, let into your life, and with whom you share your love.

The problem isn’t so much that you love someone, as it is you finding yourself in love with someone who doesn’t love you back. The Bible calls for loving your neighbor, but it does not call for you to be in love with your neighbor. Here is where the boundaries come into play. You can love everyone without boundaries but cannot throw yourself into situations of being in love with others, without boundaries. You also must have clear and consistent boundaries as to whom you give permission to enter your love realm. Just because he/she says, ‘I love you,’ what is he/she doing to show you that this love is true? Further, don’t be so desperate to be loved, that you become boundary less, allowing words to become your guide, with no evidence or action.

It is important for you to remember, that you not only have a choice and a say as to who you love, but also as to with whom you allow yourself to fall in love. You also have a choice as to whom you allow to take up space in your heart and in your head, especially when he/she is not paying rent. Take your time, be patient, and don’t just allow others to choose you, but have a say and a choice as who you allow into your life and to who you love, especially with whom you fall in love. Desperation can land you at the wrong destination. You don’t have to look for love, it’s already right inside of you. It’s time for you to give love and accept love with boundaries, giving way for balance between your head and your heart, opening doors for a life filled with happiness and wholeness.

Remember, your soul is already connected to and with Gpd. Everyone you meet is not your soulmate. Some people serve as couriers in your life, some as short-term parkers, some are long-term parkers, and then there are the life-time parkers. When you have self-love, you will be able to decern and decide, who fits where, and recognize, everyone has a soul, but he/she is not necessarily your soulmate. Love with boundaries, three hundred and sixty-five days a year!